Wheaton's Law, Some Thoughts.

This just came up. 

Apparently, Wil Wheaton came up with this suggestion (perhaps not originally his; I've seen it on a t-shirt with stick figures, but we'll let it stand for now): "Don't be a dick." Kind of like Murphy's Law or Godwin's Law, it seemed something worth saying, and to get it into the Canon of the World, it needed naming, and who better...

So, Wheaton's Law. 

Just so you know, I like Wil Wheaton; he did very well as the sometimes irritating know-it-all Wesley on ST:TNG. I'm a know-it-all, too, so I can relate. He's done other things since then ("Mr. Stitch" comes to mind), but I've not heard a lot since TNG went off the air. My TV broke about the same time, so there might be a causal relationship there. What I HAVE heard has caused me to bristle a bit, and makes me think that Mr. W should follow the law that's named for him. Not wanting to start a flame war; just wanting to let you know that my appreciation of him is not unmixed.

Now that that is (hopefully) out of the way, onward.

"Don't be a dick," IS, generally speaking, good advice. One should not be intentionally or unthinkingly rude or hurtful.

On the other hand, it has become well-nigh impossible to say or do something without offending someone. We used to say, "No offense [intended]," after making a statement that could perhaps offend,  and get the reply, "None taken," and conversations and life went on. Sometimes offense was taken, usually because the speaker was being a dumbbutt. Sometimes, though, offense was taken because the offended was too thin-skinned to let something roll off his back. And nowadays we have people who are offended on your behalf (even if you, yourself, aren't), and are willing to demolish the offender to recover your honor. This takes on truly scary consequences.

Example (taken from Malcolm Gladwell's, David and Goliath): a man does a drive-by purse snatch in front of a Hard Rock Cafe in California, but because he thinks (purse in hand) the girl isn't respecting him enough, he sticks the muzzle of the gun he's carrying in her ear, and pulls the trigger.

An extreme example, you say? How about this for extreme:  

A sixth-grade kid shoots a first grader for dissing him by stepping on his shadow! (I do wish I could give the reference for this.)

Never mind the tool used for retribution. Note instead the trivial level of offense that caused it. People are going nuclear on people for being offended by them. This has got to STOP!

First of all, because getting one's feelings hurt over such trivial things is nonsensical: it's just hurt feelings. If your feelings get hurt, understand you have no bruise otherwise.

Am I minimizing the effect that destructive words can have on a person, especially when delivered by a person who has authority over another? Maybe. Rather, I'm saying that maybe we should self-advocate more, if only by saying to ourselves that offender is wrong. It takes time to learn this, and, I must admit, the things that are said to us can last decades. 

More to the point, though, is that we shouldn't go looking for something to be offended at, having our abuse radar set way too sensitively. As the neighbors to the guy with the overly sensitive car alarm can attest, it gets irritating (offensive?) to be awakened by a car alarm in the middle of the night, night after night, just because the wind blows.

Learn to brush off offense.

What does this have to do with Wheaton's Law? 

In the normal give-and-take in society, and in the struggle to accomplish an overall good, conversation needs to happen. One shouldn't 'be a dick', as that gets in the way. However, sometimes things need to be said to point out a problem, or to give proper criticism to what is happening or how things are going (or not going). You may come off as a 'dick' in those situations, despite not intending to be so.

Do you not be a 'dick', and thereby allowing something broken go unfixed, potentially causing much greater harm than the original offense would have caused?

We've all done this a time or two, hoping someone else would pass the word. Other times, we've bit the bullet instead of our tongue and spoken into the discussion something we've felt needed to be said.

Myself, I've been bitten many times when I've stepped in like that that I've gotten quite gun-shy about saying my piece about things out in the open.

Hence, this blog, I suppose.

But, you have to say uncomfortable things sometimes. People will be offended, and they may even call you names. Names like: 'Dick'. 

I guess what I'm saying is, if you can avoid being a dick, without compromising being a truthteller in the arena of ideas, do so. Sometimes, in some person's eyes, it will be unavoidable. Let integrity (not meanness) win out.

Like I used to say, you can call a spade a spade. There is no need to call it an 'Effing Shovel'.

(cue a Flip Wilson/Time Conway comedy bit here.)

No offense intended.