"What's in a Note, you say?"

Folks have asked me (well, one person anyway) what was in the note I would have stuck on the guy's windshield the other day. Well, here it is:

STOP!
Don't throw this away!
The life you save may be your own!

I have to tell you something very important. But for you to see how important it is I have to tell you what I saw a little while ago

I was heading west on the bypass, doing the limit when something zoomed by. At first I thought it was a state patrol car, and wondered how I had missed the flashing lights.

But, no. It was a little red Mitsubishi sports sedan.

The driver zipped over to the left lane, hugging the bumper of the car in front of him, and the absolute moment he could he dashed in front of me to race down the mile or so of free space in the right lane.

I saw his brake lights come on as he came up on the next car.

Then I saw something amazing: he started to signal a left lane change. he squeezed in between two big bruiser-type pick-up trucks that had barely a car length between them. I saw what the driver couldn't: the truck behind hit it's brakes to allow a safety margin for the Mitsubishi to get in.

Then, as we all slowed down for the red light I saw why the Mitsubishi driver sqeezed back into the fast lane: he needed to take the left at the light to (I imagine) take the Johnstown Cutoff to get to Denver. And I pulled up even with the little red sports car in my '72 Olds as we both sat at the light.

For all of his maneuvering, he gained nothing that just staying in the "fast lane" would have gotten him. And he would have risked (in terms of life and limb) NOTHING!

As it was he risked a minimum of a two-car accident, possibly a multi-car pile up (everyone in the fast lane was ignoring proper following distance), just to shave a few seconds off his trip time.

Which didn't work.

By now my story might be sounding a little familiar. It should. You see, I was able to read the license tag as the Mitsubishi zipped into my lane: 000-ZZZ (plate number changed to protect identity). That's your tag.

What I need to tell you:

Don't Kill Yourself (or others) to save a few seconds time. Most of the drivers in our neck of the woods aren't expecting Indy 500 speeds on the highways, and may react badly to the sudden hazard (YOU). Even if you're not directly involved in an accident, you might be an indirect cause of one, Or you may have been already.

Slow down. Follow those "boring" traffic safety rules. Live long enough to enjoy your prosperity.

And, if you really need the speed: Drive the Autobahn, or take up closed-track racing.

But please, in the interest of your life and ours: Be Careful Out There!

If I do get the chance to post the note on his windshield I think I have a better chance of his reading it than if I post a "You Stupid @#$%#$!" type of note. What do you think?

Imagine getting a note like that on your car. Even better, imagine leaving a note like that on someone else's!

Maybe the driver will read this and see himself, and take heed. I DID take down the plate number. Maybe I'll get a chance to leave the note some day.

By the way, to write this note I used priciples I learned from reading two books: Hypnotic Writing; by Joe Vitale, and The Adweek Copywriting Handbook; by Joe Sugarman (see the book list at the left). Hopefully I was able to catch your attention enough so you would finish the note.

Meanwhile, a couple of things for you to take away today: You can get a handle on your emotions. You can learn to write more effectively. You can achieve your goals.

Yes, You Can!

Beating Stress

The best way to reduce stress is not to become stressed in the first place.

Since we live in a stressful world this is not an easy thing. But we can get into non-stressful habits.

Not being a meditative person by nature or inclination it has taken me some time to get into the habit of acting properly to the need of the moment, instead of reacting with elevated emotion. My first self-taught lesson was: if the driver who cuts me off was doing something so terribly wrong, why was I not getting his license plate number? It was because I was overreacting with anger and not acting with thought. It took some time, but I am more able to focus on the license plate (often very quickly receding into the distance). I'm even able to write (in my mind, of course) the note I would stick on his windshield -- without expletives! Reducing stress, then, is learning how to find the path through the minefield of life by thinking, not emoting. Besides, what he was doing might not have been so terrible, once examined in the cold light of reason.

Simple enough to say, you say. Not so simple to do.

Well, no. And yes.

You see, most of us have gotten into the habit of emoting first and asking questions later. Just as habits are made, they can be changed, replaced by different habits. To truly break a habit you have to replace it with a better habit, preferably one that has an immediate payoff. In the case of my offending driver situation above, it was the contentment of knowing I could leave a note on his window that at least had a chance of getting through to him, if I ever got the chance. Besides that, it gave me a chance to use some of my copy-writing skills as well. Also, by remembering his plate number I had a fighting chance of properly identifying the person's vehicle. This is multilevel pay-off (and better than punching the guy in the nose).

Stress is a reaction to the environment. We cannot always change our environment. We can often change our reaction habit by acting in a deliberate way in a constructive fashion whenever a stress-causing agent attacks us. It takes practice, but we have to catch ourselves when we react, stop, and act properly instead.

Stress is truly an attack, designed to upset us and to throw us off-balance.

We beat stress by not allowing stress to win.

Yes, You can!

Anger - Forgiveness

Two sides of a coin.

Anger does little good for most folks.

Certainly there are times to get angry and stay angry until the reason for the anger is resolved, wrongs are righted, injustices satisfied. Most wars are finished (and sometimes started) on the idea of a wrong to be righted. Sometimes it's even true.

But that's not the kind of anger I'm talking about.

I'm talking about the little rages we have when someone cuts us off in traffic, insults our dignity, or otherwise offends us. Such small things can have tragically large consequences. For instance:

= Someone makes a lane change to get to an exit. The person cut off races down the same off-ramp hard on the tail of the first, striking the vehicle, and both cars are totaled when the both go off the embankment. Result: Property damage and injury to both people.

= A man fires a gun on New Years Eve. He misses his intended victim and the .44-cal slug pierces the wall of a home. Result: an innocent young girl dies in her sleep.

= A twelve-year-old shoots a six-year-old in the school yard for 'dissin'" him by stepping on his shadow. I doubt she knew what she had done wrong. Result: one child dead and the other - still a child - incarcerated.

Yet, such things could be avoided if we taught forgiveness on the part of the wronged party instead of conflict resolution by gunfire. Most things are accidental or unintentional, and most people would make a small change to not offend if informed. The grace of giving way covers a lot of pains. So does forgiving, and not remembering the slight, or the hurt, or the debt.

"I’ll get even!"

How? Is it worth the hurt returned?

"Yeah, but he owes me!"

Yes, but will he ever care?

"I'll never forgive him until he begs for it!"

You may have a long time to wait. Ultimately, who is being hurt by your action?

"He is!"

Only if he knows, and cares. The Roman soldiers were only doing a job when they nailed people to crosses. Whether they were forgiven or not was beside the point to them. But forgiving his executioners I'm sure enabled Jesus to die a more peaceful death.

"Cold comfort!"

But comfort nonetheless.

The truth is the only person being hurt by our un-acted upon anger is ourselves. And if we do act on it, often times we hurt more than what we intend. The proverb of "A man who seeks revenge must first dig two graves," is truer than most of us want to admit.

So, forgive.

Of course the truly contrite person will appreciate the forgiveness and mutual healing is apt to occur when the one injured forgives the one doing the injury. Relationships are restored that way. Sometimes that healing starts when we forgive the other without waiting to be asked. The person in the wrong may doubt that forgiveness is even possible.

I've managed to offend someone in particular, who told me, when I tried to apologize, that she neither gave nor accepted apologies. Our acquaintanceship ended at that point, as she continued to be raging mad against me. I tried to apologize a few more times after that, and gave up when I saw that it was pointless. It did explain a lot about her, however. You see, I'd been waiting for her to say "I'm sorry," concerning some slight she had given me, and she was never going to do it. I moved on.

I wonder if she still pulls up her anger and stokes its furnace regarding that personal bad day I had that spilled out on the rest of the people around me. I needed a lot of grace that day. And in that light, I could understand how she felt justified in "Never forgiving me." I knew I was contrite. I also forgave her for not forgiving me. I hope she has found the wisdom of forgiveness since then.

And yet I do the same thing she did: I trip over some memory and I'm flashing white-hot anger again. I try. I try to forgive, grant grace, ignore, whatever. What doesn't work is hashing it out in my mind again. When I fight these ephemeral battles over again I'm usually in no shape to be kind to anyone, including myself.

When I practice forgiveness, including forgiving myself for my own shortcomings, I do much better. In a weird way, though, the other is more "fun." It's hard to explain, except maybe to an adrenaline junkie, but part of me enjoys the rush, even as it threatens to destroy me.

Forgiveness is more for the forgiver than it is for the forgiven. The rush to destruction is sidetracked. Peace has an opportunity to calm, to mend, to heal.

In short, forgiveness brings us closer to that place where God dwells.

Let go of your anger. Forgive the offender. Let peace flow in.

Yes, you CAN!