In its way, it's all about happy endings.
Not the end of twenty-three minute long sitcom happy endings, but real happy endings. Real stories of survival.
ReMoved is
the beginning of one such story, and Remember
My Story - ReMoved Part 2 is the continuation. I say
'continuation', because no story truly ends. I'll let the videos speak for
themselves. They pull no punches. That they are dramas does not take away from their speaking true things.
That we need a child welfare system is an unfortunate fact. That the
children in the system survive at all is a tribute to the strong men and women
who make the choice to open their homes, to make a safe landing pad, a haven
for these children, to have the patience and strength and bottomless hearts
full of unconditional love to share with such children in need. They know, just
like the song lyric 'The Only Way Out is Through.'
All of them saying a version of the same thing: you need to put one foot in
front of the other, and keep moving. Another link: The
Best Way Out is Always Through.
Many of us, not to say most of us, are fighting battles every day, battles
of 'quite desperation'. Sometimes not so quiet. These children are in their own battles. And these battles are not of their making. What do you do when you are in a battle, and you are powerless?
Let us look at the children in their situations: abusive/neglectful home
environment. Not necessarily the financially impoverished environments, but the
ones of emotional violence, physical violence/abuse. Those environs where it is
amazing that any child could survive, never mind thrive. Look at that, then,
and remember: these children often have very little understanding that this is
not the way things should be. They only know that this is the way things ARE. They may not like the way things are, but that's all they know.
When something happens to bring these children to the attention of the
authorities, these children do not understand that they are being taken for
their own good. No. All they know that their world is crashing down. They may
have unstable moorings. But that is better than NO moorings. It's been said,
'better the devil you know than the one you don't know'. And that is EXACTLY
where they find themselves. As bad as their lives may be to us, the outsiders,
it is all they KNOW. And the unknown is always worse than what is known, even
if WE know it is ultimately for the better.
Depending on the situation, some children may welcome the escape; they may
have an understanding that life has to be better than what they are going
through. Even so, in a life full of fear, the uncertain is better than the
unknown.
And truly, some of the foster homes are as bad, or worse, than the homes
they had been pulled from. The system is the system, and the broken parts need
to be fixed.
So why are you going on about this, Mister Madman?
Good question. This is where you come in. You can be part of the solution. You can help a child put one foot in front of the other so they can get to the far side of 'Through'.
You can help them to their 'Happy Continuation'.
You've heard me say, on this blog, that these kids need an opportunity to
live a normal life, to have a loving, caring, protective (but not
overprotective) family situation. I will continue to say it, and I will
continue to encourage people to become part of that solution.
Remember: for these kids going back is seldom an option. Their only option
is: Through. Through the broken hearts, through the tears, through the
inexplicable acting out. Through the failure to bond, the often unvoiced view
that it will be easier not to make friends with this new family ('I'll only be
ripped from them, too').
By the time you become their next stepping stone to the future, that child
or those children may have become emotional icebergs or raging volcanoes of
anger. Or both. Generally not a lot in between. Hope is an unknown to many of
them.
But, these children deserve a chance. You can be the one to give them that
chance.
Because of these things, it will NOT be easy for you. And you WILL make
mistakes. Some days you will think you are doing more harm than good. Do your
best to do good, ANYWAY.
Remember how hard it was for your parents to raise you. Raising these kids will likely be ten times as hard.
Remember, like that public service ad says, 'You don't have to be perfect to be a good foster parent. You just have to be there.' (If I misquote, my apologies).
Be there.
Be there. Be strong. Be loving. Be patient. Give grace. Give lots of grace.
Keep loving. Keep giving.
Keep going.
Yes, you can!
(To my own kids: I apologize for all the things I’ve done wrong. Some of
these things I knew were wrong at the time, and that is the greatest wrong. I’m
sorry. Words are not enough.)
